2017/12/13

A MUM BURN OUT, IS THAT A THING?


A mum burn out? Is that a thing? That's what I'm thinking of today.
I know when the baby comes around everything starts to roll around the baby. Basically everything. Even though I've managed to take showers and even thought how one might say they don't have the time to shower, and I've managed to stay on top of the things. The apartment is clean, there's not a single dirty laundry at the end of the week and each day all toys have been picked up from the floors.

The fact that I'm feeling this way is weird. I'm exhausted. I've never been this exhausted. I wish it was because D doesn't sleep at night but no, he does sleep at night. He's just going through this insanely clingy phase and I'm more of a person who cherishes her own personal space if you can catch what I mean here. I need to do everything I've planned to do during the day when D sleeps because he keeps doing the thing where he comes next to my legs, climbs up from them and doesn't give up until I pick him up and carry him on my lap. As a baby who hates babywearing more than anything in the world it's insane how much he loves to be carried around. And it happens even when J is at home, so basically, J has to be damn good distracting him so I can get things done.

It's insanely exhausting. But nor have I complained or asked help. Why? Here in Finland, there is this funny imagination "super mum" stereotype. You have to be able to do everything. You're not supposed to ask for help. You most certainly aren't allowed to drink even a sip of your wine glass when the baby is sleeping in the evening. And you most certainly aren't allowed to complain about anything. Because not everyone is as lucky as you are for having a baby. And that's PRETTY FUCKED UP WAY to see things. It's insanely fucked up way to see things. And that's why D and I don't go to any groups because I'd probably strangle all those lovely little perfect mums over there.

NO, I DO NOT FALL INTO THAT SUPER MUM CATEGORY
Why? Because I am a human being with my own needs. Even though, my world rolls around my son it doesn't mean I have to give up all my little luxuries and give up my own wellbeing for that. Heck no, ever heard the saying "happy mum equals happy child/happy wife equals a happy life". I've been everything else than happy these past months. I've been a ticking time bomb.


And no, I don't hate my child. I don't regret having him. Fuck, I love him more than anything else in this world but give me a break. I recently found myself from a situation where I hadn't brushed my hair for two weeks. TWO WEEKS. Imagine how much fun it was to go through it and get all the tangles away. So here it goes, like it or not.

A MUM BURN OUT - HOW I PLAN TO SURVIVE?

I'm going to allow myself having one glass of wine every now and then. NO, this does not mean every single evening - it means that when I'm feeling like drinking a glass of wine. It can be once a month or I might not have a glass for months. It doesn't make me an alcoholic (like someone told me a few weeks back), it makes me a human being.

I'm going to ask help from my husband. He's not the type of a man who falls to the sofa after his work day, then moves to the fridge and after that shower and bed. No, not at all. He actually helps me if I ask him to, I just need to ask more often. The fact that he's been playing with D so I can get things done is amazing.

I'm going to take some time for me. Do some pampering evenings, go out on my own or with my friends. I desperately need some me-time. My hubby and I would desperately need some us-time but what can you do. There's not really that many people who could look after D and I feel like we've been asking for too many times and we will be in the future, especially when renovating our new home.

I'm not going to try and be that super mum. Nor have I ever tried, I've just laughed at them.

Are you a mum? Have you had a mum burn out?





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27 comments:

  1. I am not a mum though I can’t wait to be and to have a baby. But I think I can understand you dear Jassy. And no one has a right to judge you. You are doing your best and you are doing that pretty good. It’s okay from time to time to have some time for yourself only. It’s okay to have one glass of wine sometimes. Do all those things for yourself, that doesn’t mean that you don’t love your baby etc. who would think that? You are human too dear! I am sending you lots of love!

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  2. I felt like I had a burnout a few weeks ago. I felt like I had no energy to do all the things I needed to do in a day. Like, people underestimate mums a lot. People think we stay home and that's it. Nope, we have to take care of a house and a child. That's hard work, but people don't get it. Like, I got ill around the time I had the burnout, probably why I had the burnout and because I was ill, I was struggling to stay on top of house chores so I ended up having no time for me whatsoever. I also had 2 weeks where I didn't brush my hair, I could have but I kept forgetting and when I did remember I had some other 20 things to do and always said ''later''. My little one is actually quite good so if I need to get anything done he will just sit and play and watch his cartoons or a movie but I still choose work on my business when little one sleeps. But I absolutely love being a mum and can't wait for next baby to come along, wouldn't change any of it for the world. I think the time of the year doesn't help either because I think we mums stress a lot more this time of year. The good news is that it gets better. Hope you're feeling better now. Always here if you want a chat.

    Blog: queensapphire.co.uk

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    1. Feeling a lot better now, it’s honestly ridiculous how underestimated mums are!

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  3. I am not a mum, but I can understand your position! You need to take a break and to have some time only for yourself. Lots of love to you!

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  4. Self care is definitely important so please feel free to take some time for you. You are the best mum for baby Dino and you are doing well

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    1. Could do with a good homemade spa & a glass of wine!

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  5. I can totally relate to what you are feeling! It's mental exhaustion I assume. That is what I feel and I always have a clean house and laundry done (almost!). Trying to keep up is exhausting in itself and trying to find alone time is so difficult unless you have plenty of hands on help. One day it will not be so difficult and you will actually miss these days!

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    1. Mental exhaustion is the worst!

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  6. What a great post, Jasmin! I think this topic should be covered more and Finns should definitely change their ways to think and behave.

    I’m not sure if I’ll ever have a kid but if I will there will for sure be team of a cleaner and a nanny helping me. I could never just stay home without doing anything but caring baby around. It’s important job of course, but I’m sure it will be exhausting if you cannot do anything but that.

    Btw did you know that in Finland you can use kotitalousvähennys if you have someone coming over for help? In addition to Js help you could probably benefit from that. :)

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    1. Yeah, I’ve heard about kotitalousvähennys :-) I should look into them more!

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  7. Fantastic post babe. I love to read your life story and always honestly. I'm not a mum yet, but I'm totally understand your situation. And no one is perfect and but you're a best Mum and great Mum for your little D. I know this situation is similar here in Germany. But in my country where I came from(Indonesia), normally housewife or even Mum with kids, they have a helper or even baby sister. But for myself, If one day I have a kid, I'm sure I'll do just like you. No helper or baby sister, except my husband. Because here in Germany also not normal to have a helper.
    Btw, I wish the best and you have to take "ME TIME" when your husband is beside you.
    A lots of love babe.

    Kintan XO,
    http://kintanfashion.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks for your kind words Kintan :-)

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  8. I can't be in your shoes as i don't have any children. But sometimes, we all get exhausted either because of work or any other difficult situation. I hope you feel better soon and find some real free time for your self. You need and you own this to yourself!

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  9. I think it's really important to talk about these things. Those perfect mums make everyone else feel like crap. I think you are doing a wonderful job Jassy!

    Cheers!
    Tadeja

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  10. I don't know a mom who has not felt this way. You must care for yourself and I am so glad that you are. It is impossible to give to others when your cup is empty and too many moms I know keep trying to pour love out on others when they have nothing left to give. Self-care is even more crucial for moms as far as I am concerned.

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  11. I am a mom of two toddlers, I work full time as a nurse, full time as a blogger and I teach Yoga. The burn out is real! Thank you making me feel not so alone in this mommy game.

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  12. I think it's great that you've set up some action items to try and combat how you're feeling. You've got this, girl! <3 I'm not a mum but it seems to me that these feelings are completely normal. xoxo

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  13. Mum burnout is totally a real thing! I have been a Mum for more than 21 years and I have been burnt out so many times. I think the key is to have some free time to find yourself!

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  14. You are a mum, but you also have to devote some time to yourself, to just enjoy in the moment, to indulge yourself, and that will make you even more happier and fullfilled xo

    www.theninebyivana.blogspot.com

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  15. Sweetheart, you're really right! There's no such thing as a super mom. It's just not happening. I have a cleaner now and then. My husband went with me to the hairdresser yesterday to babysit Mason (cause I'm breastfeeding him) and yes, that's because we are a team! Sometimes my mom lives here for a week, traveling from the Netherlands and that's lovely because then I can even have a bit extra time for myself! Great article!

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  16. I'm not a mum, but I feel you. Thank you for this inspiring post!

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