2017/10/18

LET'S TALK ABOUT DADS


Today, I'm here to ramble about stuff. This must be one of the deepest blog posts I've ever written on this blog but it will do - sometimes, you have to go a bit deeper to get your voice out.

LET'S TALK ABOUT DADS

I grew up without a father. That might make you instantly think I'm filled with daddy issues and shit like that, but I've got numb about even discussing the whole matter. The person, who I'm supposed to call my father is someone, I'm not able to call my father. He's never been there and honestly, I don't think he ever even tried. As hard as he could have been. I've been told that it was his ex-girlfriend's fault that she didn't want him to meet me. I've been told that my mum never told him about me. I've seen a physical evidence, a piece of paper, in which states he doesn't know if he is my father or not.

You might wonder why I am writing about these issues on my blog? Because I want everything out of my system eventually. In order to be me, completely. Be the person I've grown to. Be free from all the strings and tangles from the past. For me, the way to get them out is writing about them.

I learned to cope with a fact that there wasn't a dad in my life. There wasn't a dad who to ask where mum was. There wasn't a dad whom to ask permission when mum didn't give one. There wasn't a dad who I think, is supposed to be a rock to his children's lives. You know, the superhero. Not all dads are superheroes that's for sure, but I've noticed that the dad's my friends have (or well, some of them) are decent human beings who care about their children.

Father's Day was some kind of a... I don't even know what to call it.
We have this habit of crafting Father's Day cards in schools to out dad's. There were all kinds of dad-related poems and dad-related stickers to choose from. I have never done my dad a Father's Day card, at least that I could remember. I did all for my grandpa. For me, Father's Day was the Grandpa's Day. And the grandpa in this function is the dad of my mum. He's been like a father to me when the one I'm supposed to call like one has not.
I was asked multiple times why I'm not doing a card for my dad, so my 3rd grader mind came up with a lie that my dad was dead. What was I supposed to do? I was tired explaining everyone where he was, what he does. I hardly even knew his name.

Eventually, he wanted to get to know to me. These past 22 years I've seen him 4 times. His 30th birthday party, when I visited him when I was 13, in my confirmation party and in my wedding. In my wedding, I also got to meet my two wonderful younger sisters, which the younger one I had never seen and the older one I saw when she was a baby. They are extraordinary, bright and sweet young girls. I was glad meeting them.


So far, my dad-experiences are pretty limited. Filled with sadness, frustration and accepting the fact that I don't feel like being a daughter to this man who doesn't share any of the same values with me. For me, it's important to get things done. He didn't even manage to meet up with his grandson when he had the chance. He also shares his opinions about immigration and well, women - making fun of them both and based on his FB page I had a pretty bad vibe about the way he sees things. Don't know, I never really wanted to get to know him enough to ask him about his views, but person's FB page tells so much about the person.

I still haven't told enough in this post what it is about him I don't want to keep in touch with him or anyone who's related to him. Though, it would be cool to meet my sisters again. But in July I cut ties with him for the last time and that's it. I'm not going to spend another thought for him. Not anymore.

The childhood I had, is not something I want my own kid to go through. I mean, the people who think they know me might think I had this easy childhood where I got everything I wanted (which I btw, did not) and everything was so fucking fine all the time - that's not how it went at all. There were times when my head and thoughts were a mess. Mixed with different adults different opinions. All because of the hate and breakups and things that don't matter when it comes to kids. Kids aren't the pegs in the adult playgrounds. Kids should be kids, they shouldn't be in between ugly relationships.

Because of the events, which I'm still not able to share anywhere as I've been pushing them away in my mind I've been a mess and I still am. That's why my little sister is a mess. My little brother isn't as he was so small he doesn't remember a thing about anything and that's good that he doesn't.


THE 1ST FATHER'S DAY I ACTUALLY AM CELEBRATING

12th of November 2017.
I'm celebrating it for the best father I know. The best father, who is the father of my son. For him, his family is a priority. For him, his child is a priority number one. I come as a good second and it's completely fine. He is the most amazing father I have ever met. He is there when D needs him. The way he looks at his son. The way he takes care of him. The way he gets concerned about him. The way he plays with him. He spends time with him. He is the world's greatest father and I could have not chosen a better person to have a baby with. And I'm so insanely thankful for that. If I loved him more than anything before, this makes me love him even more. And I didn't think one could love someone this much.
And no matter what happens in this little life we are here, he will be there for D and all the possible other kids we might have. And that's why I respect him so much.

This year, I'm actually making a Father's Day card.
And I will be enjoying it.

Oh my goodness, my posts have gone deep as fuck.





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48 comments:

  1. So beautiful and emotional post! Well written!

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  2. It is amazing you are opening about your father, I know it is not easy. This post was so beautiful written and the last bit made me smile so much, I'm so happy you get to celebrate father's day with someone so especial.
    Love
    Pili
    To Read With Tea

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    1. I had to at one point, didn't I? Thank you for your kind words Pili :-)

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  3. Lovely post. I can really relate to this post as I grew up without my dad being there too, but I don't feel I have ever missed out of anything because of it.

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    1. Nah, it’s their loss darling 🖤

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  4. this is so sweet omg i am crying, emotional, hormonal mess (yes time of the month ugh) but i love this & you are an amazing strong woman who will go far in life!xx
    -ROSEYGOLDBOX
    www.roseygoldbox.blogspot.co.uk

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    Replies
    1. Hahah, oh you🖤 thank you so much for your kind words!

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  5. I'm sorry you had to deal with dad issues growing up! I did too girl and it really sucks. But i feel like you do, it is what it is and i'm growing more indifferent about the situation with time. How was it meeting your sisters? I can't imagine!! Congrats on having an amazing father for your child. May your family have peace and joy and unity!!

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    1. It was weird, but cool in a way haha. All the champagne at the wedding surely helped!

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  6. This is such an amazing post! Thank you so much for sharing this insight of your father, the ending has really touched us and we’re so happy you spent it with someone you love!

    Jessica & James | www.foodandbaker.co.uk / www.foodandbakertravels.co.uk

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  7. It's great you are opening about your father. it is never easy. It must hurt so much to know you have a father who knows you exist but isn't seeing you xx corinne

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    1. It used to, I couldn’t care less anymore haha!

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  8. What a lovely and honest reflection of fathers. Thank you for sharing. Big hug! <3

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  9. This is so beautiful Jasmin! So sad to hear that you grew up without a real father in your life but now, you have found the best father. He deserves every father's day gift cards! You are lucky having such an amazing husband.

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    1. I’m insanely lucky. 🖤 thank you!

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  10. What a beautiful post. It must have been really hard writing this but it was very amazing to read. thank you for sharing it with us <3

    xxx Nele | www.thenavigatio.com

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    1. Thank you for your kind words :-)

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  11. Such a beautiful post - thanks for sharing. Fathers are so important in kids' upbringing and I can't imagine my boys having only one parent. You and your son are very lucky to have such an amazing husband and dad.

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    1. We are🖤 thank you for your kind words!

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  12. This is such a raw post, it truly did make me feel emotional. I really respected my school for choosing not to make Father’s Day cards because of the circumstances pupils may be in. However, your post has a wonderful ending, may your Father’s Day card be the loveliest one anyone ever receives.
    Zara xx

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    1. It should be a thing here as well.

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  13. This was so sweet and amazing! xo

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  14. This is a very lovely post dear. In my life too my father never played a major role which is why I struggled and blame all my problems on him, my mum on the other hand was both a father and a mother to me. I never really understand sometimes what is the kind of relationship a daughter and a father have. I look at my friends with their father and wonder and always pray that let their fathers always stand by them, i mean I dont really know how that part plays. Ugh your post opened a chest in my heart and I am just blurting out stuff but I think it is always helpful to vent out. Love you Xoxo

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    1. Haha, oh dear🖤 it’s their loss, not ours. We’re amazing humanbeings, amazing women and we don’t need men to our lives to survive and define us. Not even dad’s.

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    2. Yup thats exactly what life has taught me!

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  15. I love this post. Dad's are so important. I lost mine almost 2 years ago. I can't believe it still. I am so glad you have a wonderful father for your lovely son.

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    1. I’m so sorry for your loss🖤

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  16. Brilliant post and I'm glad you felt able to use your blog to open up about this; to help yourself and probably other people! I love that you used to use Father's Day as Grandpa's Day. That's really sweet and a nice way to celebrate your grandad who clearly meant a lot to you (: I'm glad you can finally celebrate it now but Mother's Day's and Father's Day's are such a huge consumerism thing, they don't really mean much anyway. 💫 Jenny | www.jennyinneverland.com

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    1. He still means a lot to me🖤 thank goodness he’s still here in our lives :-)

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  17. Such a lovely post. Your son is a very lucky little boy to have a wonderful daddy in his life.

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  18. Such a beautifully written post!

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  19. This is a beautiful post, and it's so lovely that your hubby is an exceptional father for your son. It sucks when your own parents let you down, when any family lets you down, but cutting ties is often for the best. At least, it was in my own experience.

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    1. All families have their own issues & I’m glad I’ve still got my mum’s side🖤

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  20. You are incredible! Thanks for sharing your inner parts of your heart with us!

    www.chaudadventure.com

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  21. This is such a deep post. I'm so glad you were able to celebrate having a wonderful Grandpa on fathers day. You're very brave for writing this. I'm so glad your little boy has such a wonderful Dad too.

    Sarah | Just Buttons Blog

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    1. Still making a grandpa’s day card & now a father’s day card as well🖤

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  22. Such a wonderful and emotional post, your are so strong telling the actual life story. And,be happy for a little one and amazing man by your side, you three are amazing! xo

    www.theninebyivana.blogspot.com

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  23. Touched my heart. My father has been there for me, but after I was 'mature' his priorities changed. I'm glad I have a good husband and a super sweet mom. Counting my blessings.
    I hope you have a good fathers day!

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  24. This is such a beautifully written post - I am admire your courage and independence. I am so happy your life is good and that you haven’t let these things get to you. You are so strong and your writing is beautiful!

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  25. Such a beautifully written post, well done for sharing something so personal. I am so glad that your gorgeous boy has a great father x

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  26. This post is very emotional and it almost made me cry. I totally agree with what you're writing about. My husband and I were both raised by alcoholic fathers but our daughter is lucky because she has the most wonderful, loving and caring father in the world. She's only one years old but she's sociable, brave and smiles all day. People often say that it's because my husband spends quality time with her every day. Everybody praises mothers and how wonderful motherhood is. But where are the fathers? They're just as important.

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